While love and relationships bring to mind emotions like romance, commitment, and fidelity there also exists the darker side of human emotions: desire, craving and deception. An affair is one of the most emotionally provocative actions one can sustain in a relationship, characterized by significant guilt, heartbreak, and in some cases, intense passion. It is an act that is widely examined in literature, attempts at cinema, or even banal conversations, serving as an absolute consequence of human frailty.
The Allure of an Affair
In essence, many affairs tend to stem from some form of unfulfilled need or desire. There can be both emotional and physical disconnects in a relationship and this lack (or void) of intimacy makes a person to become ‘attentive’ to affections presented outside of the relationship. The allure of an affair stems from the excitement of secrecy, the intoxicating feeling of being desired and the escape from mundane routine.
In some instances, an affair is less about finding another partner and more about self-discovery. People who regularly engage in extramarital affairs state that they feel more alive, appreciated, and in touch with their own needs. It’s not as though the spouse or primary partner is being replaced; rather, something that feels like it is missing in their life is being fulfilled. This need is often a result of emotional neglect, broken intimacy, dulled excitement from long-term relationships, or a parentally unfulfilled sexual desire.
The Emotional and Psychological Effect
In the beginning, having an affair may seem an entertaining diversion; however, they profoundly alter the emotions of those involved. Infidelity often carries with it overwhelming feelings of pain that are associated with guilt and anxiety for the unfaithful partner. And for the faithful partner, the realization of betrayal can be life altering, leaving emotional scars that ache for the rest of their lives. Broken trust leaves damage in its wake and restoring it is never easy.
This impact is psychological but does not only affect the actual participants. When children are in the mix, the effects of infidelity can be drastic and impact how children perceive love and trust in the long term. On the other hand, the injured party deals with self-doubt and question their partner’s fidelity, wondering what did the other party have that they did not.
The Moral and Ethical Dilemma
Fidelity encompasses a myriad of aspects, custom, and traditions in society. Most cultures and religions tend to practice monogamous relationships where loyalty is a crucial element of any marriage or committed partnership. With these principles, the act of infidelity brings severe ramifications to one’s moral inner self.
Some people argue that human beings are not naturally monogamous. Infidelity has biology and evolutionary roots. Yet, those who do practice love seem to be committed and loyal towards their partner. An affair breaches the basic premise that trust stands on a relationship, irrespective of the stance taken. The dilemma, ethical or otherwise, in dealing with the outcomes of such affairs is exceptionally tricky.
The Aftermath: Rebuilding or Parting Ways
There is mutual trust within a relationship, and once an affair is uncovered there is a burdening decision to be made by both partners- to either rebuild or parting ways. While some relationships get through disloyalty through honest and transparent communication, therapy sessions, and willingness to trust again, Other couples tend to struggle with shattered trust and unexpressed feelings, thereby causing the relationship to end.
For a couple that chooses to stay together, rebuilding trust after infidelity requires equal contribution from both partners. The offending partner has to own up completely, show genuine remorse, and apply themselves to rebuilding the lost trust. The partner who was betrayed, on the other hand, has to make the choice of whether they are willing to forgive and move on with the relationship. Therapy serves as a critical pillar alongside communication in managing feelings after an affair has taken place.
For those that choose to separate, healing after infidelity is just as difficult. Coming to terms with the end of a relationship that was founded upon trust and later resulted in betrayal is tough. Many seek comfort in self development, new ventures, and ultimately new romantic relationships once time has been taken to process what transpired.
Affairs in Literature and Cinema
Endless inspiration for infidelity-related content in film and literature is available across countless forms of art. Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina and Flaubert’s Madame Bovary depict the tragic outcomes of glorifying romance to a point of obsession. Infidelity is an obsession that has been explored in various movies such as Unfaithful (2002) and The Bridges of Madison County (1995) That explore the psychological aspects surrounding cheating in relationships. This type of story is compelling because it examines the inner conflict of humans between love and duty, desire and responsibility.
Conclusion
An affair is never simply black and white, as it exists in a broad grey spectrum of human emotions and decisions. Regardless of the temporary joy and rediscovery it brings, an affair will always leave a burdening trail of consequences. An affair, misguided and viewed as a symptom of a larger issue, will continue to remind us of the fragility of trust and the complexity of love. What it ultimately comes down to, however, is that the choices we make will outline the progression of any given relationship, and thus, with those choices come the responsibilities of our actions.
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